Getting a tattoo of my dude’s name in a heart. I want to follow in the footsteps of Eva Longoria and Charlie Sheen. Too bad their marriages were not so good. Better if it’s just his initials? Or maybe it could say SPARKLES, which is what I call him. Sparkles would be funny. Or Sparky. Or RAD, our pretend last name.
Or nothing at all. I might be getting too old to get new tattoos, especially silly ones.
Lunchin’ early. I’m too dumb to be here today. Sorry, office.
“So they wanna cut everything from family care to prenatal care to child nutrition. It’s like the Republican Congress is saying ‘You can’t prevent an unwanted child; you can’t get care if you do get pregnant; and we won’t give you any help feeding the kid after it’s born. But that two minutes when that skull is crowning? Your baby is the most precious thing on Earth.’”—JON STEWART, on the GOP’s wholesale attack on women, women’s health programs, reproductive rights and, again, women, on The Daily Show (via inothernews)
Everybody has seen this movie, right? I just fucking love it. I like to watch that, and The West Wing, when politics get me down.
The Planned Parenthood stuff today reminds me of that scene in the movie when the dickhead congressman grills Joan Allen about abortion and is all slimy and hypocritical about everything. But Joan Allen doesn’t throw it all in his face. Because she is a badass.
I also like in that movie when the president orders a shark sandwich.
Why am I not an elected official? I know everything about the perks already.
The president is in a Portland suburb today to talk to some nerds at Intel. This has everybody scared shitless of traffic. Yesterday a client tried to use the presidential visit as a reason to get to our office 30 minutes late for an appointment. He wasn’t even in the goddamn state yesterday!
Anyhoo, welcome to Oregon, big guy! We are big fans! Sorry we all drive like yahoos!
Last night I had a dream that I got Tina Fey a bloody mary
We had brunch cocktail plans, then she was running late and I got cocktails with other friends. I got a little tipsy. Then Tina showed up and was like “where’s my bloody mary?” so I got more, and then I got pretty drunk and felt awesome about stuff.
Then I heard my alarm clock go off, and thought it was Saturday, then realized it was only Thursday and it was such a bummer.
The State Department has issued a travel warning...
…to my underwear. The area has been highly volatile for the last 48 hours, and peace is not expected for at least another three days. The area warmly accepts foreigners 75% of the year, but periodically erupts into instability. Visitors are urged to stay away, but if they must make a visit, be prepared for heavy bloodshed.
I am an A - kind of gal. It is a life strategy that works for me. Things should be good, but it’s okay if they’re not perfect. I try pretty hard (sometimes even my hardest), but am content to see mistakes in things I do.
My husband and I have been having the laziest of Sundays. In a rare decision, we order chinese takeout. Like, a LOT of chinese takeout. An embarassing amount.
We drove over to the place to pick it up. “I’ll wait in the car,” I said. “If we go in together, it will be clear that we are a couple and all of this food is just for us. If you go in on your own, they’ll think you’re picking up for a group.”
(I’m hungover, okay? I didn’t need some stranger judging how we eat.)
So he goes in alone, and comes out moments later with a really, really heavy bag. I am smiling and feeling so happy with our sneaky, guilt-free pick-up. We drive off. He hands me a mint, and eats one himself.
A few blocks later, as I’m sucking on this weird, weird mint, something occurs to me. “WAIT ONE FUCKING SECOND,” I said. “DID YOU ASK FOR TWO MINTS?” He says yeah, why. “YOU GAVE AWAY OUR TAKEOUT SECRET! If you were picking up for a group, you’d either take one mint or a bunch. You took two! So obvious!”
Husband realizes his mistake, and - get this - says “She even offered me more, but I said two were enough!”